Yesterday on a Starbucks near my university:

"Hermann" (hermann)
09/17/2013 at 10:06 • Filed to: None

- What's your name, please?

- Hermann

- Armando?

- Hermann
- Arnaldo?
- Hermann
- That's a very different name, huh?
- Yeah, it's German.
- How do I write it? G...
- No, it's starts with an H
- Okay, so... G...
- No, It's an H
*she stares at me*
- H... E... R...
*she writes an F, looks at it, takes another cup and starts over... with a G*
- It's H. You know, like Human?
*she scribbles a big H over the G*
- I'll just put an H here, I'll remember it's you.

(don't mind this line, trying to un-ghostride)

(don't mind this one either)

DISCUSSION (32)

Kugelblitz > Hermann
09/17/2013 at 09:32

Latinize it to Arminius for extra confusion.

///M3 Track Car > Hermann
09/17/2013 at 09:35

Given Starbuck's Rocket Science degree hiring prerequisite, I find this very surprising and deeply disturbing.

Hope your next visit goes better, Arnold.

Hermann > Kugelblitz
09/17/2013 at 09:41

I though about this possibility. They've called me Armínio in a store before, maybe it's a better option for Starbucks pseudonyms.

I have many german friends who have Coffee Shop pseudonyms here in Brazil, for example: Andreas -> André, Harald -> Haroldo.

minardi > Hermann
09/17/2013 at 09:41

Heavy accent, ya?

hollanddjw 1 > Hermann
09/17/2013 at 09:43

Aaand that's why she's a barista.

Kugelblitz > Hermann
09/17/2013 at 09:50

I love using psuedonyms. Ed Gruberman is one of my favorites (google Boot to the Head)

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Hermann
09/17/2013 at 09:59

Had your Starbucks yokel been in America, they probably would have EllisIslanded it to just "Herman" and done.

MILK > Kugelblitz
09/17/2013 at 10:00

When I get in line before my buddies I always use their names so they will bring my drink back to the table before realizing its not what they ordered.

Hermann > minardi
09/17/2013 at 10:03

Yep.

But still. Confusing H with G and F? I was being extra foreign friendly, I didn't just said "aga" (the portuguese pronunciation for H), I sad "aaagaaa".

Hermann > MILK
09/17/2013 at 10:04

THAT'S GENIUS!

Chteelers > Hermann
09/17/2013 at 10:04

Armando is a German name? Why don't you spell it with an F?

Victorious Secret > Hermann
09/17/2013 at 10:08

Thats why I use a shortened version of my last name.

Impossible to fuck up.

Hermann > Chteelers
09/17/2013 at 10:08

Ahahahahahah. If it depended on that lady, everyone's name would be like a Standard Portuguese name.

Tekamul > Hermann
09/17/2013 at 10:10

Yeah, as I'm reading your text, I'm inserting the accent from a German guy I work with. I can see their confusion. Sometimes when he gets worked up, I get lost completely. And I've been listening to this guy talk for 8 years.

H to G is a little weird, but it was probably a shot in the dark.

santaslap > hollanddjw 1
09/17/2013 at 10:10

what did you order Vermin?

Hermann > Victorious Secret
09/17/2013 at 10:13

*checked your last name on G+*
I understand you...

Although, I think no part of my name is unfuckable over here. I think I'll start using a Pseudonym. Just have to think of a good one.

Hermann > ///M3 Track Car
09/17/2013 at 10:20

- Arnold
- Harold?

Hermann > Tekamul
09/17/2013 at 10:26

But I'm here for 20 years now, and I'm 25. My accent is really not THAT strong.

On that same Starbucks, there's another barista who is sometimes there. A girl who I think has a crush on me because when she's there she makes sure to be the one to get my order... and I admire her effort because when I get there she says "hello, Harold!" and then writes "Hernan" on my cup.

Hermann > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
09/17/2013 at 10:35

I consider Herman a 97% win. (this was last month, with my lady)

Hermann > Kugelblitz
09/17/2013 at 10:40

Please tell me you say "oh, oh, me!" when they call you.

///M3 Track Car > Hermann
09/17/2013 at 10:49

Where is this anyway?

Hermann > ///M3 Track Car
09/17/2013 at 10:51

São Paulo, Brazil

///M3 Track Car > Hermann
09/17/2013 at 10:56

Ah, now I get it. I thought this was in the states where Hermann is far more common. (I was kidding about the "Arnold" - just adding one to the mix).

Hermann > ///M3 Track Car
09/17/2013 at 11:01

Yeah, I got it, I LOL'd over here. Good one.

And I immediately thought of what they'd understand. It'd probably go like this:
- Arnold
- Harold?
- Arnold
- Richard?
- No, Arnold. You know? Like Arnold Schwarznegger?
- Oh! Got it! W-I-L-L-I-A-N

Kugelblitz > Hermann
09/17/2013 at 11:16

Well, yes. Hunter S. Thompson is another favorite because people freak out.

95HondaV6 > Hermann
09/17/2013 at 11:21

Ah, Ar, Genaldo: Perhaps you should learn to "sign" your name...you know, just for grins & giggles and for getting that super-glazed-over look (from the baristas every time)...you might give this a try, Bernaldo!

Soloburrito > Hermann
09/17/2013 at 11:42

whoa totally lost me there. how does 'H' = 'aga'?

I imagine the German pronunciation of Hermann to sound like 'air-mun'.

Hermann > Soloburrito
09/17/2013 at 11:47

I can't really write how it sounds in english, but that's how the pronunciation in portuguese is usually written. But that's the pronunciation of H as a single letter, like the alphabet song, like H = "ache", J = "jay"

Yeah, that's pretty much correct. More like "Hair", though. The H isn't silent.

Icemanmaybeirunoutofthetalents > Hermann
09/17/2013 at 12:23

My first name is all of 6 letters and they still fuck it up here in the US. I've given up trying and stick to the first 3 characters.

minardi > Hermann
09/17/2013 at 12:32

I know how it feels.

In French, the letter "J" is pronounced (gee) and the letter "G" as (jay) the opposite of English. I always confused these two when spelling things...

Hermann > Icemanmaybeirunoutofthetalents
09/17/2013 at 12:32

Ahahah. That's usually where I take it as a win already.

But this one, she wasn't even able to get the 1st freaking letter! She missed H 4 freaking times!

And the worst is that when I already go with my expectations low and say "Just write H and it's good", they get pissed and write anything. I once had a cup returned and rewritten because I wouldn't take one with "Renan". I probably had to drink my macchiatto with some spit, but still...

Hermann > minardi
09/17/2013 at 12:59

That's gotta twist your mind!

What weirds me out is not only some people get my name almost perfect on 1st try, this specific starbucks sits in an area that's very full of foreigners. It's almost uncommon to hear people speaking portuguese there on the street or in the coffee shops. I wonder how the hell that girl can work there.